tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize