Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
