Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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