I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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