I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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