Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
