This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
