what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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