I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
