john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
