if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
