i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
