Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
