This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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