So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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