After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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