I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
