it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
