I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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