You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
