I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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