i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had sex on a roof
I am available for nakedness
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
