it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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