I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
