god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
