If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
