I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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