My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize