I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
