Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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