its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
