i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
