Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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