I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
zippers are such a cool invention
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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