At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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