Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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