He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
