I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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