I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want a musical about memes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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