I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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