So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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