kristin has been a bad kristin
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
