It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
