yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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