we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
