come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
