How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
