Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
