i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sober January is a disaster.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
