Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
