Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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