if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
