Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
