I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
