I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
