i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
