To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
