AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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