so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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