My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
